Sunday, July 29, 2012

On rape culture

So I was just reading this over on Jezebel -- Rapists Explain Themselves on Reddit, and We Should Listen -- and thinking about a recent conversation I had with a fellow (I'll call him B) when I told him about a time I was sexually assaulted. We were sitting on his porch smoking cigarettes.

Briefly, this is what happened: I was a freshman in college and I agreed to visit a male who was a friend of a friend, and on the phone before heading out I told him I didn't want to have sex because my heart was still broken after ending things with my high school sweetheart. I set my boundaries. Yeah, I went over there and I drank and I smoked, and even as I took the drink, I restated my boundaries and was assured they would be respected. Later I had to repeatedly tell him to stop before he did. Was it rape? I don't know -- but it was assault.

Upon finishing my story B said, "Well, you shouldn't have gone over there."

I didn't say this at the time, but my response should have been, "Oh, you mean like I shouldn't have come here, to your house, where you've similarly offered me a drink, because I should just not trust any man ever? I should just assume all men -- including you -- are potential rapists?"

You see how rape culture hurts everyone? 

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