On fourth opinions and a skin rash called pityriasis rosea

As you may or may not know, I was misdiagnosed with ringworm, which, besides making me an accidental virgin, left me stressing out about washing my sheets every three days and Lysol-ing everything I touched. Even worse, the supposed fungal infection was responding to neither topical nor oral medication, further distressing me.

My rash began with a large oval lesion on my right thigh that appeared sometime in the beginning of June along with a mild cold. Over the course of about a month, other, smaller lesions appeared on my torso. Guessing that it might be ringworm, I began treating the lesions with a topical anti-fungal spray to no relief, and that's when I began suspecting it was not ringworm, but something else. A Google search of "rashes that look like ringworm" brought up a common skin ailment called pityriasis rosea, which begins -- as mine had begun -- with a "herald patch" lesion that then develops into a widespread rash. I brought this up with the first doctor I saw, who soundly dismissed me and said it was probably ringworm. This was at Planned Parenthood, so she advised me to see my general doctor for further diagnosis.

My general doctor, however, is whatever moments the doctor on staff at the Haight Ashbury Free Clinic can spare since the only covered care I have is through HealthySF. I spent two hours past my appointment time in the waiting room, and it was only when I broke down and began crying that someone finally saw me ... for about five minutes. With one quick glance, the doctor decided it was indeed ringworm, and prescribed me clotrimazole 1% (which is another harrowing story, but you'll have to ask me about it in person). With a tiny 1 ounce tube of cream I was supposed to coat every lesion (which had further multiplied to cover my entire torso and back) twice a day for a month. Again, the rash did not respond. I ended up prescribed griseofulvin ultramicrosize 250mg twice a day for twenty-eight days. The medication left me tired, achy, and irritable, and after eleven days, no sign of improvement.

Frightening Google searches and few conclusive answers left me anxious and distressed, as if assigned jail time with no certain end date. I didn't know if I was getting better or getting worse, I didn't know if I would be infected for days more or months more, and I didn't know if I was possibly spreading it to anyone who came into contact with me or anything I even touched. Purchasing fresh tubes of cream every few days was draining my finances. I felt trapped and I felt scared, and there was the lingering doubt that it wasn't ringworm after all.

That's when I decided it was time to prioritize my health, and simply pay out of pocket for quality care (or rather, put it on my credit card). So I went to an urgent care center, and again I did not feel satisfied with their diagnosis. The doctor's hesitation made me question her training, and I did not feel confident with her ability. I asked for answers, but, again, received nothing conclusive nor compassionate. I was told to continue washing my sheets, applying a topical, and hope for the best. I sat in the car and cried. I knew something was wrong and I felt I wasn't getting the help I needed.

So I researched a dermatologist and made an appointment. Their schedule was full, but I convinced them to make an appointment for me the next day. I rearranged my work schedule. I couldn't be sick any longer.

I saw Nikki Satovsky with the California Skin Institute, and with incredible bedside manner, she took one look at me and said, "That isn't ringworm." Spying the rashes that had progressed up my neck, she said, "I'll bet it's on your back too, isn't it?" I removed my shirt to confirm it. She said, "Just looking at you I can tell this is pityriasis rosea. It's harmless and it's not contagious and it'll go away on its own. Come back in a month if it's not better." I felt relieved, and with some of my stress dissipated, I saw instant improvement in my skin.

Pityriasis rosea is a common skin rash that affects people ages 10 through 35. They are not sure what causes it, but a virus is suspected, though no research has confirmed it. It is characterized by an appearance of a "herald patch" followed by a development of lesions in a "Christmas tree" pattern that rarely extends to the lower arms and legs or face. In some cases the rashes cause mild to severe itching, especially when irritated. Mine do not itch much at all. Though unsightly, it is not contagious, and resolves itself within six to eight weeks with no reoccurrence. Some research has shown that phototherapy can help shorten its duration. One common thread among sufferers, however, is stress.

Lesions form a "Christmas tree" pattern,

extending outward from the center in sweeping branches.

I've always joked that my body isn't a temple, it's a monster truck rally, and through an active lifestyle and somewhat healthy eating, I've always been able to depend on my body to get me through crushing deadlines, back to back nights out on the town, and the general mayhem I put it through. My body is a good body -- it's strong, it's healthy, it's cute. I love physical activity, I love drinking enough water, and I love taking the stairs instead of the elevator. I make sure my body gets plenty of sunshine and I like to put good food in it. My body and I are a team. I've always seen it as the physical manifestation of my personality -- quirky, adorable, tenacious, and defiant. I confront life head on, and my body has always been there for me, a fortress if not a temple, a battle ram ... sensual and sensuous, my own wonderful body.

But it's true that lately I have been unkind to my body. We have been under a lot of stress. We are trying to figure out where we belong in this beautiful city of San Francisco. We are learning to live without the soft caress of a partner we once loved sharing a bed and heat with. We are adapting to new weather, new schedules, and new geography. My body has been hungry and I've been too far away emotionally to remember to feed it. My body has been tired and I've been too preoccupied to sleep. My mind has been ill and my body has fallen suit. It has finally had enough. It has spoken to me through my very skin and said, "You need to pay attention to me, and we need to rest."

All right, body, I'll listen to you.

There are a lot of issues that have come up through this experience. Among them is how devastating it can be to not have access to affordable, quality healthcare. I am privileged to have been able to seek help outside the confines of HealthySF, and I recognize there are others who cannot afford to pay out of pocket for specialized services. The severity of my plight is minor compared to what I am sure other, less fortunate people have to go through. It should not be this way. Everyone does have a right to good health because it is ultimately less burdensome for us all.

Doctors are not infallible. They are human and make mistakes. Your health is your own and it is okay to be assertive about attaining the care you need. If are uncomfortable with a doctor, it is okay to ask for someone else. Just like the people in our lives, some work, and some don't. Some people make better friends than lovers, and some people make better lovers than friends. Sometimes you and a doctor do not get along. Trust yourself and your body, and get a second, third, or fourth opinion if you have to.

Referencing Robert Mapplethorpe,
whose work inspired my interest in photography.

Part of what's been so devastating about this rash is how unsightly it is, and I never realized how much I love the way my body looks until it was drastically altered. At the same time, I acknowledge that this isn't my fault, it is not contagious, and it is only temporary, so while others have expressed self consciousness about their pityriasis rosea, I do not feel the need to hide it, especially since it needs sunshine to help heal it. In fact, I might spend the rest of my day off lying in the park with a book. I don't know what these conflicting feelings mean about myself or the world around me, but maybe I'll sit down and think about it and then get back to you regarding.

For now I am grateful for answers. For now I am going to bed early and making sure I get at least seven hours of sleep. For now I am taking supplements and eating food specific to assisting my immune system. Perhaps this is a blessing in a red-rash disguise. This is focus and clarity during a turbulent time. So I guess I will embrace it ... my body says I have to, after all.

All photos are my creation.

 

National Ice Cream Day revisited

Sorry this has taken me a hot minute to get to! On Monday I came down with a cold, and I’ve been slow to catch up. But I am on the mend!

I would like to tell you about National Ice Cream Day, which was a lot of fun, though in unexpected ways. What is it that John Lennon sings? “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” It’s an understatement. And perhaps National Ice Cream Day was a microcosm for this very idea. Allow me to elaborate.

The day before I’d invited a friend -- let’s call him D -- out to, as I put it, “quietly nurse a beer in the corner of a dark bar.” I shouldn’t really be drinking on my medication, but one doesn’t hurt, hence the nursing. He said, “I can’t come out tonight, but what are your plans for tomorrow?” With a mild blush I explained my ice cream mission. “That sounds fun! Why couldn’t I go with you?” Well, I hadn’t thought anyone would want to. “What time do we start? Good, I’ll see you then.” Microcosm number one: just like you, everyone is waiting for an invitation, so go ahead and ask.

We got started an hour late -- that’s all right. I hopped on the back of his motorcycle and we were off to our first destination: DeLise Dessert Cafe on Bay St. across from Fisherman’s Wharf. The cafe offers an assortment of desserts, as well as sandwiches and coffee, in addition to their ice cream, of which they change their flavors daily, but try to always feature at least one Asian, one tea, and one coffee flavor. I tried the rose lychee and the Meyer lemon with extra virgin olive oil, but ultimately settled on a scoop of the Thai iced tea and the coconut Pandan. The flavors were sweet and delicate, and, as it’s been noted, smaller in comparison to other ice cream parlours, but not that small. I also got a coffee, which was French pressed on the spot, and was rich, dark, and delicious. Though the cafe has been mentioned in a couple of Best Of lists, the shop is free of the hype-hipness that plagues other famous ice cream destinations.

Delicate flavors in delicate portions.

On our way out, another couple came in, who were just finishing up their ice cream excursion for National Ice Cream Day. We chatted briefly with them and they expressed amazement at the lack of lines at Humphry Slocombe and Mr. & Mrs. Miscellaneous. “Ah, that’s where we are headed!” I said. Microcosm lesson two: I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

We followed up DeLise with a stop at Mr. & Mrs. Miscellaneous over in the Dogpatch -- which I’d never been to before (“Ah! So this is where the Dogpatch is!”). There was a line, but it wasn’t discouragingly long, yet it became instantly clear that I wasn’t the only one with National Ice Cream Day on the brain. I was excited to see what the menu would contain and said out loud, “Oh look, they’ve got a 21st Amendment flavor!”

”Yeah, of their most awful beer,” said D.

I looked more closely, and in smaller letters underneath it specified Hell or High Watermelon, which I have to agree is probably the worst beer I’ve ever tasted. I’m not really a beer snob, so don’t take my word for it. After all, my favorite kind of beer is so bitter it feels like it’s punching you in the mouth, so I’ve really no authority. But curiosity won me over, and I sampled it (“An improvement on the beer,” D declared), but ultimately went with a scoop of the Fiore Di Sicilia with rum raisins in a waffle cone. I enjoyed the finer citrus flavor and the raisins added a pop of sweetness. I might have preferred a smaller serving, but I’ve also been accused of eating like a bird. Microcosm lesson three: just cause you didn’t like the Hell or High Watermelon in beer form doesn’t mean you won’t like it as ice cream.

That's a lot of ice cream!

Our next destination was the infamous Humphry Slocombe, but by then all the hip people in San Francisco (and their parents!) had crawled out of bed and were standing in line to try whatever sensationally outrageous flavors old Humphry was offering.

See? Everyone and their moms.

”I don’t do lines,” was the famous utterance of one of my tall, slender, impeccably stylish, and exotically accented friends from Los Angeles. It’s not as bad as it sounds. She once took me shopping and revealed the secret to looking cool (answer: it’s finding funky dresses at thrift stores and shortening their hems, or simply wearing a shirt backwards), and on the night she spoke those words, she marched right up to the door of this ultra cool club with me in tow and talked our way in ahead of everyone else. I’ve managed to do it a few times on my own.

But I’ve been to Humphry Slocombe’s before, so I didn’t feel a particular need to eat ice cream there, and immediately began hatching an alternative plan. After a quick Google Maps search, I found Dagwood & Scoops just a few blocks away, which serves Mitchell’s Ice Cream. Not originally on my list, Mitchell’s flagship store came up in my Best Of search, so I felt I was still being faithful to my intentions, though it turns out I’ve had their avocado ice cream before. It was worth repeating because it’s now one of my favorite flavors.

This is not a photo of ice cream. This is me taking notes.

It was clear that the line at Bi-Rite -- which was next on my list -- was probably wrapped around the corner, and, as you know, I’ve had plenty of ice cream from there, so I checked out Yelp and went with the first thing that caught my eye: The Ice Cream Bar. It would turn out to be one of my best spontaneous decisions to date. Nestled in Cole Valley, it was on the way home, and therefore ideal. I only quickly glanced at the Yelp reviews, and besides noting the high rating, didn’t read much else, which probably made the experience that much more delightful. We arrived to a pretty faithfully replicated vintage ice cream shop and soda fountain like something right out of a movie. Besides a dazzling array of ice cream flavors and desserts -- I had a scoop of the basil flavor -- they offer a full service soda fountain bar where they mix specialty malts, shakes, phosphates, and sodas from an assortment of hand-labeled glass bottles. It’s only indulgently quaint until you watch the soda jerk mix exacting ingredients like a wizard a magic spell, and then you realize this is an art -- and a time -- long forgotten. The Ice Cream Bar is a crowded little time capsule. Looking at the menu, I had to get the Touch of Grey -- candy cap mushroom syrup, acid phosphate, cream, soda. It was divine, creamy, sweet, and fresh.

Look at all those fresh ingredients! Oh my goodness, it's so endearing!

A touch of grey -- no, not fifty shades of it!

D and I agreed that it was probably our favorite stop of the day, and engaging discovery that would not have happened had everything gone according to plan. It was a delicious lesson to learn … I guess you could say that surprises and flexibility are the sweet treats of life. And I’ve got a sweet tooth that would make a honey bee run.

So that checks a couple of new spots off my Ultimate San Francisco Ice Cream list ... where else should I go? Let me know! It's still National Ice Cream Month after all!

Therapist Auditions

"Have you ever thought of killing yourself?"

"Hahah, well, hasn't everyone?" I ask, deflecting the question.

I've been holding therapist auditions. At my last intake session, I opened with a joke about it.

"I'm holding auditions," I say, "It's kind of like The Voice or America's Got Talent, it's like:" I imitate a television announcer, "The Therapist. And the tagline would be 'Where I ask the therapists all the questions.'"

The gentleman across from me laughs, and whether he actually finds it funny I don't really care, because I am happy just to talk to someone knowing his only job is to listen and that my only job is to talk.

I go on because I feel awkward, "While I was waiting I was Tweeting about things you find in a counseling center."

The room -- like a lot of sliding scale centers -- is cobbled together from donated furniture. I'm learning that in San Francisco, since the buildings are older than they are in Los Angeles, they must be re-appropriated for business activity. The corner room barely seats the two of us and overlooks the street, which is noisy and distracting.

"What sort of things do you find?"

"Boxes of tissues on every available surface, those noise canceling things, pastel colors." I go in for my punchline. "Saaad faces."

"You don't seem very sad. You seem very bubbly."

I look away, no longer able to restrain the tears that have threatened me since I arrived.

"I'm very sad," I say, "I've been holding back this whole time." And then I start crying.

When I am alone, I weep. I heave and gasp and cry out into my pillow, saying things like, "Why why why?" or "Please please please." In therapy I never do that, even though it's present just beneath the surface. I maintain my composure, and when I cry, it is only one or two tears that escape me, and I imagine them elegantly running down along my face.

Amusingly, the box of tissues in the room is unopened, and there is an awkward exchange where we both grab for the box, and he tries to rip it open in time, tearing a bunch of tissues in the process and dropping the box as he fumbles to hand it to me. I laugh because it is a charming and human gesture, and it makes us both vulnerable. There's no way I can continue crying. It is a temporary dose of human ecstasy, one of the beautiful follies and blunders that plague us despite our best efforts otherwise, a gentle reminder that we are only perfect because we are so imperfect.

I am wary about seeing a male therapist, but I like him. If I am comically petite, he is comically tall, curled up like a bird in a cheap IKEA chair. He furrows his brows as if pantomiming concern when really, the man knows nothing about me at all.

I inevitably talk about my break up, about the cheating, about the betrayal, about the sense of loss and confusion. I am always quick to mime quotation marks with my fingers around the word "cheating" because, as I tell him, "I'm sort of unconventional, all I needed was for him to be honest."

"I can tell that you're very unconventional," he says. I wonder what the tactic is behind the comment -- to flatter my ego and loose the trusting words from my mouth? Or does he really believe that in a city of queers and punks and hippies my pink hair is "unconventional?" It works -- I am a little flattered even though my hair is in desperate need of a fresh dye job. Very unconventional -- sure, that's me.

But I am so very conventional. Thinking that I'm just so darn special is part of what got me into this mess -- right? That's what they tell me. They tell me that my parents hovered over me and my sense of humility atrophied and now I feel burdened with the expectation to do something great that the fear of never fulfilling paralyzes me, or cuts me off from myself and those fine, exquisite moments of happiness I crave. That's why they say I am so sad. I am not sure who they are, but I can hear them now, telling me I am lazy, I am not good enough, I am a failure.

You see? I deflected it again. I wanted to talk to you candidly about how exhausted I feel right now, how scared I am for the future, how overwhelmed and broken I feel, and about how I am not quite sure I can keep going. I wanted to be open and vulnerable with you. And I suppose it's still vulnerable of me to admit that I decided to write something funny instead of something sad, because when you laugh loudly enough, it drowns out the quiet sobbing underneath.  

National Ice Cream Day was a major success!

But I've come down with a cold and feel too unwell to write.

Ringworm and a cold. August better be the best damn month of my life.

For now, here's a photo of me on a motorcycle! You haven't seen San Francisco until you've done an ice cream tour of it via two wheels (not a bicycle) -- wee!

Don't panic, I totally wore a helmet when we were actually riding.

Celebrating National Ice Cream Day in San Francisco

The minute I became a San Francisco resident, the first thing I wanted to do was go to the Bi-Rite Creamery and have a scoop of their honey lavender ice cream. Besides an affinity for all things lavender, I harbor fond memories of a very strange and rainy evening standing in line at the tiny shop and ultimately getting nothing while my friend ordered a sundae. I will not divulge the sordid details of that experience (and why exactly I didn’t order anything) unless you invite me out for a cup of coffee, and then, in person and in coffee shop privacy, I will tell you anything you want to know. Until then, you’ll have to be satisfied with this: Bi-Rite holds a special place in my heart. On my fumbling quest to establish myself in this City on the Hill, I’ve spent a few days in Dolores Park with an ice cream cone in hand because if I’m going to be underemployed and broke, I might as well spend a few weekday afternoons in the park eating ice cream and observing San Francisco’s hippest young people and their dogs.

Prior to my move to San Francisco, I cared very little for ice cream. Yet amid San Francisco’s moody weather and chilled summer days, I’ve developed an addiction. I’ll walk to the corner store for a pint of Three Twins and a six pack of whatever 21st Amendment beer strikes my fancy and call that a Friday Night, or I’ll grab a burger and a scoop of peppermint stick ice cream from Joe’s Ice Cream after a particularly grueling day. Even though ice cream is cold, it’s rich and it’s filling, which I think makes it more appropriate for keeping warm and satiated on a hilly walk through San Francisco rather than for keeping cool on a glaring concrete hot summer day in Los Angeles.

Not on the list: the avocado ice cream from Miyako Old Fashioned Ice Cream in NOPA.

When I was tipped off to National Ice Cream Month and then found out that National Ice Cream Day is Sunday, July 15th, I saw it as an excuse to eat nothing but ice cream and begin fulfilling a personal aspiration of mine: to try all the ice cream in San Francisco. Ronald Reagan declared July National Ice Cream Month in 1984 to celebrate ice cream’s popularity in the United States and more specifically, pronounced the third Sunday of July National Ice Cream Day. I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

After a little Google research, I decided I am going to begin my Ice Cream Mission with these popular shops in no particular order:

1. Joe’s Ice Cream

Joe’s Ice Cream is not among San Francisco’s more popular ice cream destinations, but it is my neighborhood ice cream shop, and so I am compelled to stop in for my favorite there: the peppermint stick in a waffle cone. Joe’s ice cream is not particularly artisanal, but it is good, solid, dependable ice cream, and every week they feature a unique flavor. One week they carried a wasabi flavored ice cream that was not as bad as you would think. With a grill bar alongside the ice cream, this is the spot where parents bring their kids or teenagers bring their dates on a Friday afternoon after school. Opened in 1959, Joe’s the ice cream shop where you feel like everyone knows your name.

Joe’s Ice Cream is located at 5420 Geary Blvd. in the Richmond. Hours are Sunday 12pm-10pm, 11am-10pm Tuesday through Thursday, 11am to 11pm Friday and Saturday, and closed Monday. Cash only.

2. Bi-Rite Creamery

On warm, sunny days, Bi-Rite’s line can sometimes extend beyond the store and wrap around the corner of 18th and Dolores. If you ask anyone where to get ice cream in San Francisco, they will direct you to Bi-Rite (or Humphry Slocombe, but we’ll get to that in a minute). Besides my own particular penchant, the ice cream is handmade in small batches right on the spot with locally sourced ingredients, culminating in flavors and textures that are rich and decadent, and their sundaes include combinations like honey lavender ice cream, hot fudge, blood orange olive oil, and Maldon Sea Salt (it’s called the Dainty Gentleman). For quality ice cream, Bi-Rite is the place to start, and will change your palate forever. And so far it’s the only place where I can get fresh lavender ice cream.

Bi-Rite Creamery is located at 3692 18th St. in the Mission. Hours are Sunday through Thursday 11am-10pm, and 11am-11pm Friday and Saturday. Credit cards accepted and make sure to get a punch card!

3. Humphry Slocombe

I’ve been here once and had the hibiscus beet, the bright color of which the woman at the counter joked matched my hair. That alone made the experience worthwhile, especially after she’d patiently acquiesced to all my sampling requests. Again, if you ask anyone in San Francisco where to get a good scoop of ice cream, they will say Bi-Rite or Humphry Slocombe. Featuring more exotic, experimental flavors than Bi-Rite -- like Peanut Butter Curry, Cream Cheese Chocolate Chip, and Foie Gras (?!) -- Humphry Slocombe is like an ice cream excursion where it’s expected to sample a few different flavors before settling on one that surprises and delights your taste buds. They offer 10 to 12 different daily flavors that rotate frequently, so every visit is an adventure. I’ve heard that the Secret Breakfast (bourbon and corn flakes) is the most popular flavor so I might have to check it out.

Humphry Slocombe is located at 2790 A Harrison St. in the Mission. Hours are 12pm-9pm Monday through Thursday, and 12pm-10pm Friday through Sunday. Cash only.

4. Smitten Ice Cream

I’ve also been here too, and I would categorize it as a boutique novelty ice cream experience. In 2009 Smitten founder Robyn Sue hit the streets with a Radio Flyer wagon and a device now called the Kelvin. Her whimsical mission was to create the richest, smoothest ice cream possible, and to do so right before your eyes. Employing the properties of liquid nitrogen, your Smitten ice cream transforms from milk, cream, sugar, and flavoring to delectable ice cream in less than a minute for the freshest dessert possible. Once a mobile vendor, Smitten now operates out of a little stand in Hayes Valley. The menu is limited to a handful of seasonal flavors, but that’s not what Smitten is about.

Smitten Ice Cream is located at 432 Octavia St. in Hayes Valley. Hours are Sunday through Thursday 10:30am-10pm, and Friday and Saturday 11:30am-10:30pm. Credit cards accepted.

5. DeLise Dessert Cafe

Located near Fisherman’s Wharf, this shop is going to be a totally new experience for me! After seeing the name a couple times in a few best of lists, I am intrigued by their emphasis on quality over quantity. Their ice cream servings and dessert offerings are supposed to be as dainty and delicate as they are delicious, and since ice cream is a pretty heavy treat, I’m sure this will be a refreshing stop. Their offerings change daily, but according to founders Eloise and Dennis Leung, the shop tries to offer at least one Asian flavor, one tea flavor, and one coffee flavor everyday. They also serve coffee, baked goods, and sandwiches.

DeLise Dessert Cafe is located at 327 Bay St. near Fisherman’s Wharf. Hours are 8:30am-7pm Tuesday through Friday, and 10am-6:30pm Saturday and Sunday, closed Monday. Credit cards accepted.

6. Mr. & Mrs. Miscellaneous

It was a toss up between Mr. & Mrs. Miscellaneous and Mitchell’s Ice Cream, and I’ve decided to try the former. They change their flavor offerings everyday, so I am curious to see what Sunday’s menu will include, and I’ve never been to the Dog Patch part of town, where Mr. & Mrs. is located, so it’s a chance to expand my geographical knowledge. It’s also apparently some of the best ice cream in the city, with some Yelp reviews casting it above Bi-Rite and Humphry Slocombe, and it was named consistently in best of lists. A good old story about a husband and wife team pursuing their ice cream shop dreams doesn’t hurt either -- after working in restaurants in LA and San Francisco, pastry chef Ian Flores decided to do his own thing with his wife when she became pregnant. Makes me wonder if pickle is one of their signature flavors.

Mr. & Mrs. Miscellaneous is located at 699 22nd St. in the Dog Patch/Potrero Hill area. Hours are 11:30am-6pm Tuesday through Friday, 11:30am-5pm Saturday and Sunday, closed Monday. Credit cards accepted.

Follow me on Twitter throughout the day this Sunday, July 15th as I celebrate National Ice Cream Day trying different flavors at different shops throughout San Francisco!